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  “Your mom and I, we aren’t…”

  “Aren’t what?” he asked when she faltered.

  “We aren’t in a permanent relationship,” Court finally managed to say. She leaned back in her seat and scrubbed her face with her hand. She couldn’t tell him she wanted it that way, because it didn’t seem right to mention it to him without saying something to Lana about it. “We both have lives separate from each other.”

  “So you’ve been dating other women while you were seeing her?”

  Court almost laughed at the look of indignation he gave her, but she knew instinctively it wouldn’t be a good idea. “I’m not like that, Eric. Your mom and I, we enjoy each other’s company. I like spending time with both of you.” She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Lana heading their way.

  “Can I join this party, or is it private?” Lana asked. Court scooted over to give her room in the booth next to her. She sat and looked between the two of them. “Why so serious?”

  Instead of answering, Eric grabbed his soda and started to leave the table. Court wanted to tell him how much she cared for him, but with Lana there, it didn’t seem like the right time. She wanted him to know he could call her anytime, for anything. She felt a connection with him she didn’t want to lose.

  “Okay,” Lana said, drawing the word out as she turned her body to face Court. “You want to tell me what that was about?”

  “He doesn’t understand,” Court said. And neither do I, she wanted to add, but she bit her tongue. Trying to make Lana feel bad for doing what Court knew she’d do from the beginning wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

  “Understand what?”

  “That you and I aren’t a permanent thing.” Court covered Lana’s hand resting on the table and looked at her. “I tried to explain it to him, but…”

  “He’s worried about me,” Lana said. Court looked at her without even trying to hide her confusion. Lana smiled. “He knows he’s leaving in a few months, and he’s worried about me being alone. I’ve never been alone since he was born. Well, you know, the occasional weekends he spent with his father, but not for any longer than a couple of days.”

  “You’ve never been in a relationship?”

  “I’ve dated some, but my first priority has always been him.”

  Court nodded and was struck by the knowledge that with each new thing she learned about Lana, she fell a little more in love with her. She hoped to God she’d be able to survive Lana leaving in the morning.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Court’s heart was pounding in her chest, and she felt like she might pass out. The pain in her chest wasn’t something she’d ever experienced before, and she wasn’t sure of the best way to handle it. It dawned on her this was what it felt like to have a broken heart. She glanced over at Lana, who was driving, and tried not to think about the fact this was going to be their last night together. Part of her had seriously considered just going home by herself, but there was no way she could not be with Lana to at least attempt a proper good-bye.

  “You’re thinking an awful lot tonight, Courtney Court,” she said with a quick look in her direction. She tapped Court on the side of her head. “I think I can hear the wheels turning in there.”

  “Just a little sad,” Court told her with a small smile. “I can’t believe you’re leaving in the morning.”

  “You aren’t going to get all emotional on me, are you?”

  Court forced a laugh and shook her head. “No, I won’t.” She turned her head to look out the passenger window and sighed. She hated feeling like this. She was in love with Lana, and she didn’t feel as though she could admit it to her because she knew it wasn’t what Lana wanted. Lana had made it clear from the beginning this was merely casual between them, and Court had failed in keeping her heart out of the equation. She put a hand on Lana’s thigh. “I promise. No emotions.”

  “Good,” Lana said. “Because it’s going to be hard enough to say good-bye to you.”

  They were silent the rest of the way to Lana’s house. Eric had left the party early and gotten a ride home from a friend. Lana was planning on leaving early, and he wanted to get a good night’s sleep.

  “Glass of wine?” Lana asked once they were inside the house.

  Court nodded and hung both their jackets in the closet before following her into the kitchen. Instead of taking a seat at the table, she stepped in behind Lana and slid her arms around her waist, resting her chin on Lana’s shoulder.

  “I’m going to miss this, you know?” she asked before kissing her just below her ear, which caused Lana to tilt her head back. “Just sitting here and having a glass—I mean plastic cup—of wine with you at the end of the day.”

  “Me too.” Lana sighed and turned in her arms.

  Court kissed her, intent on memorizing everything about Lana, from the way her fingers played at the ends of her hair as their tongues slid together, to the way her body molded perfectly with her own. She hoped it would be something to get her through the long lonely nights to come.

  “Damn, you sure know how to kiss,” Lana said, breathless after pulling away.

  “It’s probably a good thing you’re leaving,” Court said, resting her forehead against Lana’s. “I think if we spent much more time together, I might start to really like you.”

  Lana laughed, but Court thought it sounded forced. She took a step back and picked up the plastic cups of wine Lana had poured. After handing one to Lana, she touched the cups together. “To the most incredible woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.”

  Lana smiled, touched by the sentiment and surprised Court had spoken the words she was thinking. She took a sip before taking Court’s cup and placing them both back on the counter. She touched Court’s cheek and watched the storm of emotions swirling through her beautiful blue eyes.

  “Come to bed with me,” she said, and Court nodded. Lana tried not to think about how lost she was going to be without Court. Hell, she missed her already, and she wasn’t even gone yet. If she considered how much it was going to rock her in the morning, she might just crumble right there on the threshold of her bedroom.

  “What’s wrong?” Court asked, pulling Lana out of her own head.

  Lana blinked as she realized she was standing just outside the door and staring at her bed. She plastered on a smile and looked at Court. She didn’t want Court to see the sadness in her eyes.

  “Nothing’s wrong,” she lied with a shake of her head. She turned to fully face Court and began to undress her. “I was just thinking about how much I want you.”

  Once they were both fully naked, Lana led her to the bed and pushed her onto her back before crawling up her body and straddling her hips. She leaned over and held herself up with her hands on the mattress on either side of Court’s head.

  “I don’t want this night to end,” Court said, her voice barely above a whisper as they stared into each other’s eyes.

  Lana felt as though Court was seeing into her soul. For all the time they spent having sex, this was the only time Lana experienced this depth of intimacy. It made her uncomfortable. As she closed her eyes to keep Court from seeing what she was feeling, Court touched her cheek.

  “Can I just hold you?” she asked, causing Lana to open her eyes again. Lana was sure she looked as surprised as she felt, but she nodded. “It’s not that I don’t want to do this, but I really just want to hold you in my arms right now. We have all night, right?”

  “Yes,” Lana said as she rolled off and allowed Court to pull her close. She stayed there with her head on Court’s chest, Court’s arms around her, and the strong steady heartbeat sounding in her ear. She finally relaxed when Court’s breathing evened out, indicating she’d fallen asleep, and she sighed. The quiet rhythm of Court’s breathing and heartbeat finally lulled Lana to sleep after what seemed like an eternity.

  * * *

  Lana watched as Eric and Court shoved the last of their things into her car, and then Eric walked back into t
he house, his head down as he went past her. She tried to stop him with a hand on his arm, but he pulled away from her and continued on. She shook her head and saw Court watching her with a sad smile.

  “So,” Court said, glancing at the house. “That was the last of it?”

  “Yes. I want to thank you for all your help,” Lana told her. She’d always hated saying good-bye. Especially now, with Court. It was only six in the morning, but Lana had promised her parents she and Eric would stop to have breakfast before heading out.

  “No need to thank me,” Court said with a shrug. She looked down at her feet and shoved her hands into her back pockets. When she met Lana’s eyes again, she noticed Court’s eyes were filled with unshed tears. “Can I call you?”

  Even though Lana knew a clean break would be for the best, she nodded. She was afraid losing all contact with Court would rip her heart out.

  “You’d better.” Lana smiled and went to hug Court. “Don’t get into any more fights with Jen Hilton.”

  “I won’t.” Court chuckled as she buried her face in Lana’s hair. “Unless she starts it.”

  Lana pulled away and decided she couldn’t delay this good-bye any longer. She sighed and shook her head. “I guess that’s as good as I can hope for. I should really get going.”

  “Yeah, right,” Court said, nodding. “Can I go say good-bye to Eric?”

  “Of course.” Lana followed her into the house to find him. He was sitting on the couch staring at the wall and looking more sullen than Lana had ever seen him. “Eric, come say good-bye.”

  He didn’t move, not even to glance in their direction. She started to walk closer to him, but Court stopped her.

  “It’s okay,” she said quietly.

  Lana watched as she went to sit next to Eric. He looked at Court, and Lana saw he too had unshed tears. Court hugged him and then stood again, but said something to him Lana couldn’t hear. He nodded before resuming his staring contest with the wall.

  “Good-bye, Lana,” Court said before kissing her gently on the mouth. “Drive safe.”

  “Thanks,” she said, and then Court was gone. For a moment, she felt as though she’d fall apart. It was hard to breathe, and she wanted nothing more than to run out the door after her, but she heard the car start and then pull out of the driveway. She took a moment to steady herself before joining Eric. “Come on, it’s time to go.”

  “I don’t want to go.”

  “Eric,” she said, tired of fighting this battle he’d been intent on waging for the past week.

  “Why can’t we just stay here?”

  “I remember very distinctly last October when you didn’t want to come here, and now you want to stay?”

  “I like it here.” He shrugged, but refused to look at her. “There’s family here. There’s nobody back in Chicago.”

  “What about your friends? The school you didn’t want to leave? What about Sandy?” Lana wasn’t above manipulation, and she knew the mention of the girl he had a crush on back home would get his attention.

  “So I get to see her for a couple of months and then I’ll be gone to training camp.” He finally looked at her and she knew he realized what she was doing.

  “Exactly,” she said. “You’ll be gone. So why does it matter to you where I am after you go to training camp?”

  “Damn it, Mom,” he said. She didn’t like it when he swore, but she’d learned to pick her battles over the years. She knew he only said it in the heat of the moment, so she let it slide. She wasn’t naïve enough to think he didn’t swear around his friends, but he rarely did it in front of her. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

  “I know you don’t,” she said, reaching over to take his hand. “And I love that you have this protective streak, but, Eric, I’m almost thirty-seven years old. I’m pretty sure I can take care of myself. And what makes you think I won’t be happy to finally be able to have some time alone after the past sixteen years of having you underfoot?”

  He laughed at that, and she smiled. It was the first genuine smile she’d had in days, and it felt good. She finally managed to talk him into leaving, so they headed to breakfast with the family. She wasn’t looking forward to saying good-bye to them either. She was just happy the relationship with her parents had improved so much.

  Chapter Thirty

  Lana smiled at Eric as he was getting ready to leave for his girlfriend’s house. It was the Fourth of July and she was realizing, not for the first time, exactly how much she was missing Court. How was it she could have woven her way into Lana’s life so completely in just a few months? Especially when Lana had been so determined not to let it happen. She shook her head.

  “Are you okay, Mom?” Eric asked. He sat next to her on the couch and put his arm around her as he spoke. “I don’t have to go, you know.”

  “I’m fine,” she assured him, patting him on the knee. “Go enjoy dinner with your girlfriend and her family, and enjoy the fireworks. Just make sure you’re home by midnight.”

  “I’ll be home before midnight.” He started to get up, but apparently changed his mind. “You’re thinking about her, aren’t you?”

  “Who?” Lana looked at him and knew immediately she wasn’t going to fool him. She sighed and gave him a small smile. “Yeah, I am.”

  “I can always tell, you know.”

  “How?”

  “You have a certain look, like you’re sad, but not a normal kind of sad, you know what I mean?” he asked, looking like he was having trouble coming up with the right words to adequately describe it.

  “No, I don’t.”

  “When you get this look, it’s like I know I can’t do anything to cheer you up.” He thought for a moment, then glanced at her again. “Like you’re melancholy. Is that the right word?”

  “Maybe, but it sounds a little depressing.” She smiled to show him she was joking, but she had to admit he was pretty right on with his assessment.

  “I miss her.”

  “I do too, Eric,” she said. “More than I thought I would.”

  “Are you ever going to tell her how you feel?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Come on, Mom,” he said, exasperated. “You love her, right?”

  There was no reason to lie to him. Aside from the fact she never lied to him anyway, he was obviously more intuitive and intelligent than he had any right to be at sixteen. Lying just seemed as if it would be insulting to him. She finally nodded.

  “You need to tell her.”

  “Maybe. Someday. I don’t know.”

  “Are adults always so wishy-washy?” He laughed when she gave him a look of shock. “If so, I don’t want to grow up.”

  “Get out of here,” she told him as she shoved him away. “If you have a girlfriend, then I’d say you’re already well on your way to growing up.”

  “Are you sure you won’t come with me?” he asked as he got to his feet. “They said there’d be plenty of food.”

  “I’ll be fine, Eric,” she said, walking him to the door. “Have fun.”

  He kissed her on the cheek, and then he was gone. She leaned against the door and sighed as she reflected on the things he’d said. She did love Court, didn’t she? It wasn’t a new revelation, but she hadn’t allowed herself the luxury of thinking about it too much. If she did, it would only make her…melancholy. She laughed and went to the kitchen to figure out what she wanted to eat for dinner.

  She’d never admit it to Eric, but she actually looked forward to nights like this. Time alone wasn’t a commodity she’d had much of since he’d been born. But then it hit her that in just over a month, he was going to be leaving for Quebec and what would be the beginning of his hockey career. She’d have more time alone than she’d know what to do with then. The thought didn’t make her happy.

  She heated a can of soup and settled in to watch a movie. She found herself wondering what Court was doing, and considered calling her. They talked on the phone once in a while, and so
metimes even made video calls, but she figured she was probably busy tonight with her sister, or maybe Gail and Bill.

  After all, most people spent holidays with family and friends, and although Lana had been invited to watch the fireworks with her own friends, she’d opted to stay home. She was beginning to regret the decision now because she was having a difficult time thinking about anything other than Court.

  She picked her phone up again and scrolled to Court’s name, hesitating for a moment before tapping the call button. She could always leave a message if she didn’t answer, right? Just to say hello. She didn’t have to tell her she was missing her.

  “Hey, Lana,” Court said, breaking into Lana’s thoughts.

  “Courtney Court, hey,” she said, sitting up straighter. She was startled she’d answered the phone and was caught off guard.

  “You sound surprised.” Court chuckled. “You did call me, right?”

  “I did, yes. I didn’t expect to get you, though.” Lana was struggling to find something to say. “I thought you’d be enjoying the fireworks with your sister. I was just going to leave a message.”

  “Well, now you don’t have to.” Court smiled and waved a hand at Lori, who was motioning for her to hurry up. They could see the fireworks from her backyard, and the kids were excited they were about to start. “And we are about to watch the fireworks.”

  “I won’t keep you then,” Lana said, sounding like her cheerfulness was forced. “I just wanted to say hello.”

  “Tell Eric I said hi.” Court made her way to the back deck as she talked. She didn’t want to hang up. They didn’t talk nearly as often as she’d like, but on the other hand, the more they talked, the more she wished Lana was here with her. “Can I call you in a few days?”

  “Sure, yeah,” Lana said. “I’m sorry I interrupted your evening.”